Cats are people, too

The Top 9 Signs Your Pet Has Been Using Your Computer

9. Well, when YOU mark a website, your keyboard doesn't end up all sticky and smelling of ammonia.

8. All entries on your Palm Pilot to-do list are "eat", "sleep" and "lick self."

7. Stacks of paper spewing out of your printer read the same thing over and over: "All scraps and no walks makes Rover a dull dog."

6. E-mailed bomb threats to the Spay/Neuter Clinic have been traced to your account.

5. You wouldn't think it would be possible to have nude jpegs of the pets.com sock puppet, but there they are.

4. The screen is coated with cat hair because Mister No-Opposable-Thumbs can't get the cap off the anti-static spray.

3. Dozens of new bookmarks to skinhead organizations, and your hairless cat's been acting a bit surly of late.

2. Your hamsters have given up their exercise wheel in favor of line dancing.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet Has Been Using Your Computer...

1. Neighbors' websites have been dug up and pooped on.
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And to be fair to the dog lovers:

DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
3. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything
while you're gone. (ps. have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a
little like cat butt? ).
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
who's walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy
carpet then???
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth...you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur??? Imbecile.
11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your shit up when you're not home.
12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how
far behind schedule that puts me?
13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when
I freak out everytime we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!!! What a
proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us?? To my
knowledge, dogdom hadn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!!
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Two foreign nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that people of this country actually eat dogs!" "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart."Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'. The Mother Superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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My parents had not been out together in quite some time. One
Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father
stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he
asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied,
"Oh, yes, I'd love to!"
They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the
end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been
directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the
kitchen floor.
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Now here's one for all pet lovers:

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now, think about it......


Answer:
10 little piggies

2 calves,

1 ass,

and an unknown number of hares.